Mama-luia

My sweet Isaiah is seven now! We celebrated his birthday last week and it was a joyful one, to be sure. I surprised him with homemade cinnamon rolls when he woke up as a birthday breakfast treat. He clearly approved of the gesture. I love that he remembered to bring out the Special Day plate (for birthdays, name days and baptismal anniversaries. I so often forget. I especially love that he is a child who thinks it's so meaningful to use it.) The weekend before we had friends over for a Dino Trux birthday party. We played lots of Minute to Win It games and the boys were so FUN to be with; each of them, taking the competition seriously but so kindly encouraging to the others. "Wiggle a cookie off your forehead and into your mouth" is always quite funny! I remember dreaming with Patrick when we were dating about having a house where kids congregate and play, and with each passing birthday, it's happening a bit more. I am so glad! The beautiful pai...

When I was a teenager, the thought of having children frightened me. I didn't consider myself to be especially "maternal", in that I was never someone to clamber to hold someone's baby. While I thought babies were precious and lovely and would love to touch their tiny hands, I'd prefer to do so when someone else was holding them. Because babies, in fact, frightened me. They're so tiny, so helpless, they need so much. I saw them as a magnifying glass for my own selfishness and inadequacies, and it would be painful to have a mother watch me hold her baby and just know that I had no idea what I was doing. But I fell pretty quickly and deeply in love with a man who I just knew would make a good father. The idea of having babies quickly accompanied my love for him, because it seemed so possible now! We could be a team ! And the rest is history, four children and just shy of one decade of marriage later. Except it's not. I still struggle with the no...

We have reached another milestone in our home: we now have a nine year old in the house. So far, it's a pretty nifty age. It involves bigness -- in opinions, feelings, ideas, and even sizem. It's like I woke up one day and realized my son is quickly gaining on me, height-wise! I do not know how I will deal with it when he outgrows me. Nine means independence: biking places by himself, devouring books by himself instead of always wanting me to read aloud to him, having strong opinions that may not be replicas to that of his parents'.  I had a foretaste of all of this when he was three -- he certainly wanted to do everything "by myself!" back then, but now, he can, and does. For reference's sake, here is Noah at three. Let us pause and sigh and whisper "tempest fugit" and WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP CHOPPING ONIONS IN HERE, I'm trying to BLAAAAAHHHG. While it actually does not feel like "just yesterday" that this picture...

Outside my window... The sun is beginning to sink behind my neighbour's house across the street, but it is still bright out at 8pm. It has been a warm, sunny, inviting day and it is a balm to my soul. My little Elijah took his first drink from the hose today, and I think that basically encapsulates summery childhood joy. I am thinking... about how today was stretching and a bit lonely, and how I hope to have a better day tomorrow. I am thankful... for Andrew Peterson's music. It's the perfect soundtrack to my introspection. Learning all the time... I've been reading up on dietary changes and it's healing effect on the brain. Thinking I need to up my fats and cut carbs out (again... sigh... and cry). This keto business isn't just a snazzy weightless technique. Celebrating the liturgical year... We had ice cream for dessert last night as it was the Traditional feast of St. Catherine of Siena, making it my name day (Catherine is my middle name). Now th...

"Matrimony is a Gospel in itself, a Good News for the world today, especially the dechristianized world." Pope Benedict XVI, Homily for the Mass for the Opening of the Synod of Bishops, 2012. (Photo cred) I tend to live my marriage as routine -- get up and feed children, make coffee for Patrick (or, just as often, drink the coffee he made me; thanks, dear), throw a load in the washer, throw a load in the dishwasher and play with kids. School pick-ups, dinner, readalouds and prayer time, and then in the final and peripheral moments of the day, speak with Patrick about what is on each of our minds (usually stuff related to the kids, funny or interesting things spotted online and super -fun budgeting conversations.). Lather, rinse, repeat. Rarely do I step back and look at the full picture of what we are living, because I'm up to my eyeballs in the daily maintenance of it. It's hard to think or feel anything is especially "holy" when it looks li...

When New Year's rolled around this year, I, like more than half of the world, made the decision to lose weight. Maybe I have been saying this every year since, I dunno, the fifth grade, so clearly my issues with my weight are nothing new. But this year, as opposed to my previous years of mothering, I feel really and truly well-rested. By January, my "baby" was already 19 months old and had been sleeping through the night for more than a half a year. That meant I was finally catching up with my sleep deficit. It turns out, a lot of my challenges related to my physical and mental health are directly tied to how well I'm sleeping. That perhaps seems self-evident, but the difference I felt confirmed that in a whole new way . So I unceremoniously signed up for Myfitnesspal and began tracking calories, knowing that Weight Watchers had worked for me in the past. I also knew that cutting out "problem" foods (like sugar) has landed me face-first in a box of Doubl...

Outside my window... there is still much snow on the ground, but I also see the icicles dripping from my roof; the temperatures are rising, and Spring will finally arrive (supposedly?). I can't wait. Well said. I am thinking... that as much as I buck limitations and restrictions -- nobody puts baby in a corner! -- I feel my best when I operate within them. Specifically, calorie-counting and budgeting. I took the week off from counting my calories during the Octave of Easter because... Easter... and I hadn't brought my food scale to Halifax, and it's vaguely annoying tracking my food. Surprise, surprise, I gained weight (not a lot, mind you, but still). Now I am back on the bandwagon and I feel so much more in control! Likewise, I've reverted to paying cash for groceries. Yes, I feel a little silly walking around the grocery store, doing a prolonged addition problem as I add each item to my cart (and yes, I am literally writing prices and adding on paper, ...