Being seen

This past week, we had a visitor for tea. A vibrant, warm and insightful elderly woman who really befriended me and Patrick during our engagement from our parish had asked if she could come over and get acquainted with out kids. I cleaned the night before, made sure we had some cookies in the house, reminded the boys on how to behave nicely towards her, dressed the kids in the their Sunday clothes, and in general made preparations as though we would be giving something to her.

I should have known, though, that her presence would be a little ministry to us.

In a very grace-filled way, she asked each of us sensitive questions and really listened to our answers. She held Anna and spoke to her not like she is just a cute little baby (which she is) but a teacher to the rest of the world. She showed that she was generally interested in the boys, and laughed at their sweet and silly stories. Noah was obviously delighted by her presence, because as we sat and talked, he quietly worked away at a piece of artwork, and as she was leaving he shyly gave it to our guest.

What struck me the most about our time together, though, was what she said when she first arrived. I told her, "It's so nice to see you!" and she, in her typically wise and prophetic way, replied, "It's nice to be seen."

Photo by Noah.

While this woman has a rather busy social life, I can't help but think of the number of men and women her age who suffer silently the pain of being unnoticed.

In a recent issue of "Restoration", the newspaper of Madonna House, there was a beautiful article about a woman who joined Madonna House who was beautiful, well-educated and generally successful in whatever she tried her hand at. She was working at a summer camp run by the community, and told Catherine Doherty how exhausted she was the routine of constantly making beds. Catherine perceived a need for some perspective in this woman, so she told her to get on a bus and head off to a town where she didn't know anyone and look for a job making beds. Catherine gave the young woman enough money to make do until she found work.

The young woman searched for a job for some time and was so discouraged by how many interviews went by with no offers! She, an educated woman, couldn't get a job making beds?!

So she decided to not dress as nicely for her interviews, and look a little more needy and desperate. She was then offered a job at a hospital cleaning and making beds.

Despite working daily for weeks in a crowded hospital, she went unnoticed. People passed her by daily ignoring her as she went about her work. Then she would come home to an empty run-down apartment and feel desolate. After weeks of this, one day, an elderly woman from down the hall in her building knocked at her door and asked her if she would like a slice of apple pie.

The young woman cried and joyfully took the pie. It was the first time she had been acknowledged in weeks.

It's not uncommon for us mothers of young children to complain, sometimes bitterly, about how busy we are. I am guilty of this, mea culpa.

We feel overwhelmed and even unappreciated and sometimes. Thankfully, we do have people around us -- our children. Imagine how much more lonely and meaningless the cooking and cleaning we do would seem if we had no one to do it for.

As a challenge, perhaps we need to make a habit of 'seeing' people.

Think about the person you are most likely to overlook and step out of your way to be kind to them, to give them the gift of being seen. Or think of someone you love who might be encouraged by a phone call or visit, and allow them to feel the joy of being remembered and thought of by you.

Recently a friend called to ask me a quick question and I ended up nearly talking her ear off. I consider myself 'shy' and yet... given a chance to have someone listen to me, a whole deluge of stories, sorrows, worries and little triumphs came bursting out of me. I just wanted someone above the age of reason to listen.

So I want to adopt this habit, of seeing those around me and letting them know they are loved.