Gestating, v. 3.0

Or

The miscellany of my insomniac mind

I will be 35 weeks pregnant tomorrow.
35 weeks!

When we moved here, I was about 18 weeks pregnant. My mind had been so wrapped up in selling our home, moving, and settling in, that I felt extremely detached from the reality of being pregnant. So the fact that I am that near my due date is astounding to me. 

When it was extremely hot out, each day felt like an eternity. But the last few weeks have sped by, and I really can't fathom holding a brand new little person that I made in a matter of weeks. It's slightly earth-shattering, in a wonderful way of course.

What a journey this pregnancy has been. Each time I bring new life into the world, God reveals something to me about myself. It's amazing. This pregnancy has been so different than the first two -- while physically the symptoms have been by far the easiest! Hallelujah! -- the emotional processing of what it means to be a wife and mother is the most intense. 

It only stands to reason I wasn't doing that sort of reflection on marriage and family when I was pregnant with my first; he was born a mere 10 months after we got married! My second pregnancy was so focused on healing my fears about birth, both what frightened me about my first birth and surrendering what was to come with the second, that all my energy focused on that.

And this time around? It's examining who I am in relation to the people who are already in my family. It's difficult to imagine what I will be like to my new baby, as I have no idea what he or she is like, but I working very hard at being the best I can to my two older children. Meanwhile, I am learning what proper 'me-time' is, and what it means to pour yourself for someone else without feeling resentment but rather greater love. I hope these lessons will carry me through the adjustment period with our Little Baby Lemon.

In relation to the notion of 'proper me-time' I am finally challenging myself to set my own health as a priority again. Basically as soon as we started de-cluttering and repainting our home in Nova Scotia to put on the market, our diet became a steady stream of processed foods. I don't want to rail against those things, because in reality, they are a sort of sanity-saver for me from time to time and may very well always be. But to eat them continuously can't be good.

My blood work revealed just how bad it all was. Besides being pregnant or breastfeeding nearly continuously for the past five years, which bring one's iron levels down substantially, my unhealthy habits have taken their toll on me as well. My ferritin and hemoglobin levels have become dangerously low, and my midwife warned me I might need a hemoglobin transfusion if I were to get an epidural. That sort of freaked me out.

After reading up on nutrition in the handbook she gave me, I reluctantly decided to take the advice laid before me for boosting my iron levels. I mean, really, the threat of a blood transfusion kind of woke me up. So until the birth of the baby, besides not consuming any alcohol, I will abstain from wheat, dairy, caffeine, and chocolate. Apparently each of these foods inhibits iron absorption.

In my desperation I whined to Patrick, "But those are all the best food groups!" until I realized that this booklet never said anything about not eating potatoes. Kettle chips it is! (Not every day... but at least once a week for the next five weeks. I think these nighttime indulgences were best called the parent's "victory lap.")

On the positive note, despite preparing meals for a beef-and-dairy intolerant relative, I am eating red meat daily, even it's just for me. Lots of leafy greens. Anything cooked in my cast iron pans. Adding blackstrap molasses to my oatmeal instead of brown sugar. And supplementing, at my midwife's suggestion, with two Ferramax and two Greens+ daily. Please, oh please Lord, let this be enough to get my body back to normal!

(I should also note that the day I decided to give up a variety of foods, I checked to see how many days it was until my due date. Imagine my non-surprise when I discovered it was exactly 40. How very... Lenten.)

On Sunday my parents will be here. A few local friends have expressed their admiration for them and you know what? It's completely deserved; they are two of the most selfless people I know. My mom said she wanted to spend the visit helping me ready for the baby. I am so grateful because there is much to do, and boy am I tired! We'll be pulling out the baby clothes from storage, as well as getting out everyone's winter clothes, and doing the seasonal swap, likely the most GLAMOROUS of all the domestic chores. She also mentioned helping me through making some freezer meals. I can't say no to that! 

Meanwhile, my Dad, who simply can not sit still, and is greatly mystified by the weird habit we women have of drinking tea and talking about our feelings, will help Patrick install a new window in our kitchen. Not just replace an existing one, but no, cut a hole in the wall and put it in. He's a Certified Window Installation Specialist (no joke!) via the hardware store where he works, and why take a vacation when visiting your daughter when you can work long gruelling days prettying up her home? 

We had an appointment this past week with the chief of Obstetrics at the local hospital and it relieved so many of my fears. More than a handful of women have pulled me aside and in hushed tones warned me that I was signing up for doom and gloom if I were to give birth at this particular hospital. They especially warned me against this doctor, as though he was the Enemy. 

My midwives, however, spoke well of him, and since I respect their opinions, I figured he couldn't be that bad. In any case, keeping an open mind and being at least pleasant towards him would probably make things go smoother when I was in labour.

He was rather pleasant and encouraging, and my previous fears about the weird hospital policies (like being transferred to the OB when I went in, despite having a qualified midwife to attend the birth) were unfounded. Wonderful! 

Every day I feel a little more "ready" to have a baby, which works out nicely, as it is in fact inevitable!