"It's all about empowerment"

A more PG foray into blogging.

Every Friday I take Noah to a little preschool program in our community. He loves it, I mean loves it, and I enjoy being able to take him, while my generous mother stays home with Isaiah. It's something we both look forward to.

Recently a public health nurse showed up on the scene. During the first hour, the moms sit out and drink coffee and gab. Occasionally a guest speaker comes and gives us some tips on parenting. I always would prefer my silence and/or gab-time, but I humor them by listening; I'm polite like that.

Anyway the public health nurse came to tell us how to pack healthy lunches for our kids. I was mildly interested, looked at the Canada's Food Guide she passed around, and nodded vehemently as part of the pack, "hand-washing makes all the difference!"

Then the nurse got off on a tangent about sex-ed. She gives the lectures at the local schools, and was regaling us with a 'hysterical' story of a child projectile vomiting while she told his class in graphic detail about sex.

Sorry, I fail to see why a kid being so upset about having his sense of modesty betrayed that he actually threw up is funny.

She summed up her mission of taking away the mystery and wonder of the sexual act and reducing it to a mere bodily function cheerfully: "in the end, it's all about empowerment."

I shuddered. "Empowerment." Sure, that word can be used in a wholesome, pro-life way. I've heard it said that "NFP empowers women" and so forth, so depending on your usage, that could be a very positive way of speaking.

Yet I found myself unpacking that phrase over and over in mind, long after I had taken Noah home, long after he was even in bed at night.

"Empowerment."

Perhaps it has been the recent disturbing news of a young woman having her life destroyed -- by rape, then having the images of the very assault being spread over the Internet -- that has my emotions raw.

The notion of 'empowerment' leads people into thinking that might equals right, that their desires trump another's, that, in short, lust and exploitation are okay. 

Even if a married couple, even under the most licit circumstances, tries to 'empower' themselves through their conjugal relationship, they have missed the point and used one another in the process. There is no room for 'consensual empowerment' or 'mutual empowerment' in chaste love. 'Power' should never enter into the picture.

It's about the gift of oneself. Laying down one's life for another. Sacrificing for the beloved. The only time 'power' becomes a consideration is when the couple consider in awe what power their procreative love is together.

.... These are heady concepts for children as young as mine. How exactly do I plan to teach them these ideals?

I can't claim to have it all figured out, nor will I ever, but I do have some ideas.

For one, my husband and I are deeply in love with one another, and we make no mistake in expressing that in simple ways in front of our children. Imagine my heart's delight, not to mention amusement, when at dinner one night, Noah asked me, "What are you and Daddy going to do tonight? When we are in bed?" I paused to collect my thoughts, and then he said "You should play Settlers of Catan!"

He knows that's one of our favourite dates-at-home. Isn't that cute? He wants us to keep having a loving marriage.

Also, I can communicate self-gift to them by not sighing over their requests, their whininess, their spilled milk and dirty diapers. They may not understand the meaning of this, and they may not expect me to behave any differently, but at least it's giving them an idea how family life should work.

Patrick has lots of ways of showing them this, too. The way he loves me, forgives me, is attentive and sweet to me. None of this could be missed by them. Slowly and surely he is showing them how to love a woman by laying down his life for her.

Finally, being open to life is a huge communication of this self-gift, even to our young children. In the past few months they have seen me laying down my life in a very specific way as I grow their little brother or sister. They have seen their father accept so patiently my non-efforts at so much, as I have been too ill to be much use.

Today I had a little cry when Noah asked me if we could go upstairs and do something together in his room (I don't remember what it was) and I said in a solemn way, "I can't right now. I think I am going to vomit."

He responded, "It's okay if you throw up in my room. I will clean it up for you."

Part of our life as a family is to welcome children as a blessing. As young as they are, they already grasp that, somehow. I will take that over 'empowerment' any day.