Guess who's thrivin'?
Remember that woebegone post where I wallowed in how I wasn't exactly thriving?
{First off, what I wrote wasn't especially articulate. It wasn't getting at what was really driving me bonkers. I read the Jennifer Fulwiler piece I linked to that morning and was just stuck on it all day. It was the words "contraceptive culture." Ugh. When I re-read it tonight, I agreed with her; yes we can and SHOULD try and fight against the mindset in society that children incapacitate us and thus we should get through the procreating phase as quickly as possible, sterilizing ourselves so we can be 'free' to enjoy our jetset lifestyle or to wear Gap size 0 jeans.
But I just bristle at the use of 'contraceptive' to describe anything that isn't literally contraception. I could rant on and on about this, but I won't. Suffice to say, it's such a tedious attitude I've encountered in orthodox Catholic circles, to be so against actual birth control to begin to label everything as such (right down to the mom who told me that breastfeeding on demand was 'contraceptive'. I didn't have children back then but even still I thought "What in the blue blazes?"). Our culture is contracepting, at an enormous rate, and the people who are -- the majority -- operate under certain assumptions that begin to influence and perhaps sway even faithful Catholics. Okay. I buy that. But what irks me is assuming when say, an open-to-life housewife with young kids is somehow lumped in with the 'contraceptive culture' or the 'contraceptive mentality' for simply thinking that having kids is very hard.
This post isn't about all of that, however. It's about me, and how wonderful I have been feeling lately.}
Who would have thought that getting my driver's license would change how I see my whole life? I know this sounds dramatic, but I am not exaggerating.
Those interminably long days now have a hint of freedom to them.
"C'mon boys, we're going to the beach / the grocery store / your Gram's house for tea!" and we pile into the van and go. Better yet, many days, now that the initial novelty is wearing off, we don't go but I know that we can. We stay home and keep our little routine going, but should anything go awry or we all just need to shake things up, we can. And we will.
It's improved my marriage.
I hated feeling so beholden to Patrick, like I had to ask his permission to do things. But quite literally, I did. If I wanted to even simply take myself to the doctor, or get milk when we ran out, I had to ask him to drop work and take me. Or work around his schedule. Now I just go where I need to go, when I want to do it (I mean, he works from home so we actually have the van to ourselves whenever we want it!). I don't need to feel like a child asking him to do a favour for me anymore. (Not that he treated me like this, mind you; he has been the one championing me and insisting that I go and learn how to drive.)
It's improved the social lives of three out of four members in the family.
So many invitations to playdates had to be turned down in the past few years. I was always embarrassed about being a grown woman who couldn't drive, and it was especially awkward to admit to fellow mothers. When they would invite us over and I would have to tell them why we couldn't come, I felt a sense of shame like they were thinking "Isn't that unfair to your kids to keep them in their own house all the time?" Maybe they weren't thinking it at all but I always felt silly.
In the fall Noah will be going to a little preschool program of sorts at our local library, just one hour a week. I had read about it over a year ago, but honestly didn't expect that by the fall when he would be three, that I would be able to drive. Yet this year I actually WILL be able to take him! Without requiring Patrick or anyone else's assistance. It sounds amazing to say it.
I can have my 'own life' back.
I have friends, but because of my full schedule with kids and meal-prep and naptimes and housework, not to mention the 40-minute drive to the city, it is often easier to stay home in the daytime. But now I can actually arrange to visit my friends in the evening while our kids sleep, and enjoy adult conversation and hot tea and a time to connect with other women! I feel so much better about a day at home when I know that I can enjoy some time without my kids, too.
It's safer. Ergo, less freaked-out mom.
Patricks travels every two or three months for work, and I always had a twinge of panic when he would leave. I would say things like "in the event of a TRUE emergency, the ambulance will take us where we need to go" but it never really consoled me. Now I know the van is here and if one of the kids got sick, I could take them to the doctor or whatever. Ahh! Peace of mind!
I have more self-confidence.
I know it sounds unreasonable, but I honestly believed for a long time I wasn't capable of driving. Overcoming this obstacle reminds that I can actually accomplish a goal if I set out to do it.
In short, I am happier.
{First off, what I wrote wasn't especially articulate. It wasn't getting at what was really driving me bonkers. I read the Jennifer Fulwiler piece I linked to that morning and was just stuck on it all day. It was the words "contraceptive culture." Ugh. When I re-read it tonight, I agreed with her; yes we can and SHOULD try and fight against the mindset in society that children incapacitate us and thus we should get through the procreating phase as quickly as possible, sterilizing ourselves so we can be 'free' to enjoy our jetset lifestyle or to wear Gap size 0 jeans.
But I just bristle at the use of 'contraceptive' to describe anything that isn't literally contraception. I could rant on and on about this, but I won't. Suffice to say, it's such a tedious attitude I've encountered in orthodox Catholic circles, to be so against actual birth control to begin to label everything as such (right down to the mom who told me that breastfeeding on demand was 'contraceptive'. I didn't have children back then but even still I thought "What in the blue blazes?"). Our culture is contracepting, at an enormous rate, and the people who are -- the majority -- operate under certain assumptions that begin to influence and perhaps sway even faithful Catholics. Okay. I buy that. But what irks me is assuming when say, an open-to-life housewife with young kids is somehow lumped in with the 'contraceptive culture' or the 'contraceptive mentality' for simply thinking that having kids is very hard.
This post isn't about all of that, however. It's about me, and how wonderful I have been feeling lately.}
Who would have thought that getting my driver's license would change how I see my whole life? I know this sounds dramatic, but I am not exaggerating.
Those interminably long days now have a hint of freedom to them.
"C'mon boys, we're going to the beach / the grocery store / your Gram's house for tea!" and we pile into the van and go. Better yet, many days, now that the initial novelty is wearing off, we don't go but I know that we can. We stay home and keep our little routine going, but should anything go awry or we all just need to shake things up, we can. And we will.
It's improved my marriage.
I hated feeling so beholden to Patrick, like I had to ask his permission to do things. But quite literally, I did. If I wanted to even simply take myself to the doctor, or get milk when we ran out, I had to ask him to drop work and take me. Or work around his schedule. Now I just go where I need to go, when I want to do it (I mean, he works from home so we actually have the van to ourselves whenever we want it!). I don't need to feel like a child asking him to do a favour for me anymore. (Not that he treated me like this, mind you; he has been the one championing me and insisting that I go and learn how to drive.)
It's improved the social lives of three out of four members in the family.
So many invitations to playdates had to be turned down in the past few years. I was always embarrassed about being a grown woman who couldn't drive, and it was especially awkward to admit to fellow mothers. When they would invite us over and I would have to tell them why we couldn't come, I felt a sense of shame like they were thinking "Isn't that unfair to your kids to keep them in their own house all the time?" Maybe they weren't thinking it at all but I always felt silly.
In the fall Noah will be going to a little preschool program of sorts at our local library, just one hour a week. I had read about it over a year ago, but honestly didn't expect that by the fall when he would be three, that I would be able to drive. Yet this year I actually WILL be able to take him! Without requiring Patrick or anyone else's assistance. It sounds amazing to say it.
I can have my 'own life' back.
I have friends, but because of my full schedule with kids and meal-prep and naptimes and housework, not to mention the 40-minute drive to the city, it is often easier to stay home in the daytime. But now I can actually arrange to visit my friends in the evening while our kids sleep, and enjoy adult conversation and hot tea and a time to connect with other women! I feel so much better about a day at home when I know that I can enjoy some time without my kids, too.
It's safer. Ergo, less freaked-out mom.
Patricks travels every two or three months for work, and I always had a twinge of panic when he would leave. I would say things like "in the event of a TRUE emergency, the ambulance will take us where we need to go" but it never really consoled me. Now I know the van is here and if one of the kids got sick, I could take them to the doctor or whatever. Ahh! Peace of mind!
I have more self-confidence.
I know it sounds unreasonable, but I honestly believed for a long time I wasn't capable of driving. Overcoming this obstacle reminds that I can actually accomplish a goal if I set out to do it.
In short, I am happier.
I am so completely thrilled for you, Jenna! I always feel like a crazy person when I go on and on about moms needing to have a driver's license but everything you just wrote is exactly why!! That bit of freedom is just wonderful and i'm so very happy for you. Would you and the boys like to come over sometime just because you can!? :)
ReplyDeleteI love this post. The freedom a vehicle provides is incredible. Congrats.
ReplyDeleteI totally get it Jenna! I didn't have my full licence until after Thomas was born (growing up in Toronto with the TTC and a freaked out dad who wasn't too interested in teaching me to drive was a huge part of the delay). I just kept putting it off because I was afraid of failing the tests due to lack of experience. I knew I would go crazy if I didn't start driving after I had Thomas though, so I got myself moving in the right direction. Feeling stuck at home can make the struggles of mama-hood that much worse, especially when you can't get out for a simple trip to the grocery store or whatever. I'm so happy for you!
ReplyDeleteI didn't learn to drive until I was 27, partly because I had convinced myself that I was too incompetent. (So I can relate to your last point quite well.) I cannot imagine not driving, now (but then I have spent the last ten years in parts of the States where there is really no other option for transportation), but I am also glad that I waited to learn to drive until I was able to actually afford a car!
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