Life: thriving or surviving?
There seemed to be a swirl of Mom bloggers on my Facebook page this week. There was this post from which made me laugh because I could relate -- "Carry on, warrior. Six hours until bedtime" -- and this one that made me cry, because I really could relate -- "When I had only one child, I truly suffered during those long, long, long days in our little apartment, no one but the two of us, baby and me, dealing with each other all day long."
I recommend you go ahead and read both of them. Maybe you'll laugh, or cry, too.
The one that really bothered me, though, was this. I read it and it frustrated me all day. I agreed with the premise and all, totally, but it seemed like one more reminder that I wasn't really up to snuff. I wasn't really... "thriving". Just going about my business, doing my duties in the home and with the kids.
I found myself making a laundry list of all the ways in which I wasn't thriving:
I exercise, but not every day, and I don't exactly relish it. I do it because it's important.
I am in between sizes so my clothes aren't exceptionally flattering these days, and it's not worth spending money on getting new ones until my body decides what size it wants to be!
I haven't done any freelance work in months, which started because I was annoyed over getting my first rejection letter, and escalated into "well I don't really have time for that, and heck, I'd rather just watch 'Early Edition' with my husband".
So when my friend Christy posted about two responses to Jennifer Fulwiler's piece, I found myself feeling so much better. I was using a lot of standards to measure my life that people who don't have kids might use. There certainly is a lot I could work on, but I am really proud of myself for accomplishing a few small "me-time" things lately, a few small home organization things, and yes, I am especially proud of the things I have accomplished with our kids (teaching Noah most of his letters as we played with some foam letter puzzle pieces, making a bean soup for Isaiah that he loves. A baby who loves soup! Be still my beating heart!) I am also so happy to be spending a little more time enjoying Patrick's company these days, even if it's just while we tidy the kitchen after the kids are in bed.
So I will carry on, carving out time for crafts with the kids, blogging about life and scrubbing the kitchen floor. All of it is satisfying in its own way, and each of it brings me peace.
I recommend you go ahead and read both of them. Maybe you'll laugh, or cry, too.
The one that really bothered me, though, was this. I read it and it frustrated me all day. I agreed with the premise and all, totally, but it seemed like one more reminder that I wasn't really up to snuff. I wasn't really... "thriving". Just going about my business, doing my duties in the home and with the kids.
I found myself making a laundry list of all the ways in which I wasn't thriving:
I exercise, but not every day, and I don't exactly relish it. I do it because it's important.
I am in between sizes so my clothes aren't exceptionally flattering these days, and it's not worth spending money on getting new ones until my body decides what size it wants to be!
I haven't done any freelance work in months, which started because I was annoyed over getting my first rejection letter, and escalated into "well I don't really have time for that, and heck, I'd rather just watch 'Early Edition' with my husband".
So when my friend Christy posted about two responses to Jennifer Fulwiler's piece, I found myself feeling so much better. I was using a lot of standards to measure my life that people who don't have kids might use. There certainly is a lot I could work on, but I am really proud of myself for accomplishing a few small "me-time" things lately, a few small home organization things, and yes, I am especially proud of the things I have accomplished with our kids (teaching Noah most of his letters as we played with some foam letter puzzle pieces, making a bean soup for Isaiah that he loves. A baby who loves soup! Be still my beating heart!) I am also so happy to be spending a little more time enjoying Patrick's company these days, even if it's just while we tidy the kitchen after the kids are in bed.
I confess I like this photo most for the view of my ceiling and floor. They are spectacular.
So I will carry on, carving out time for crafts with the kids, blogging about life and scrubbing the kitchen floor. All of it is satisfying in its own way, and each of it brings me peace.
I do think your ceiling and floor look great...but I think you look lovely in that shade of blue! that's my favourite part :)
ReplyDeleteAww Jenna I hope you don't feel bad because my intent was not to make anyone feel bad but just to motivate everyone, myself included, that moms of young kids should be happy and enjoying life even with small kids! I think its all about identifying what makes you feel like you're thriving at whatever season of life you're in. I mean right now for me, getting dressed is my definition of thriving and I'm actually pretty ok with that. I hate the mommy articles that talk about complete dynamo mothers too-I just don't think its possible. But I do think that all those articles have good points.
ReplyDeleteYou're thriving girl, trust me. :) You're loving those boys with all your heart, you're working hard against (if your house is like mine!) the constant demans of food, laundry, basic cleanliness (fail for me) and being MOM to them and a wife to Patrick. Even if the only thing you do this week is feed those boys, you are thriving because you life your life out of love. I hope you're able to carve out some precious "Jenna" time too, because you deserve that.
ReplyDeleteAh, babies who love soup! *sigh* I understand that because Amata loves Potato, Leek and Quinoa soup... and I'm just so excessively proud of it. It's like
ReplyDeleteOld lady "Oh look at you walking beside your mommy! What a big girl!"
Me "And she loves SOUP!"
Old lady "Well, isn't that... nice?"
I think the blog that frustrated you might have been overstating her point in response to the perceived message for women to give up everything but dinner and laundry until their youngest is 5. Or some such nonsense.
Anyway, you're doing a fantastic job with those sweet boys of yours Mama. You home may not be your ideal house/property, but it is welcoming and full of love.
Carry on warrior, six hours to bedtime. <3
My favourite part is the Jenna part too! Jenna is lovelier than wood!
ReplyDeleteOh you are all so sweet! I wrote that post at 4am because I had been up feeding the baby and wanted to get my thoughts out. But please don't think I am moping around or feeling sorry for myself. I actually have been thinking the last few days, or rather, remembering, that minus a brief phase when I wanted to be an academic (snort! Ha! Delusions of grandeur!) or a nun, basically my one desire my whole life was to be a mom, and at stay-at-home one at that. So in that sense, yes I am definitely thriving because I am so fulfilled! (It's easy to say this now; both boys are asleep... *smile*.) Anyway you are all lovely people. "Lovelier than wood" as the great Colin Kerr would say.
ReplyDeleteYes, lovelier than wood. I also think that you need to keep in mind that your oldest is still not three. As a mom who has been where you are and is still changing diapers even though my oldest two are almost nine, I have to tell you that the survival stuff gets much easier as the oldest kids get older even when there are still babies around. When my twins were under three I had no idea how I could possibly have another. I was terrified to conceive Benjamin. I also couldn't say yes to a playdate as I would worry about it to the point of not sleeping. I couldn't cook a roast because it seemed like a mammoth undertaking. Now these things are second nature. Motherhood is really like a career - you get much better at it as the years pass and it really does become easier even as the workload becomes heavier. And that's why people shouldn't quit having babies until their first babies are at least over the age of reason. You really are in one of the hardest seasons of motherhood, at least in my experience.
ReplyDeletep.s. I really don't understand how someone as young as Noah can learn his letters. My children (including my highly literate ones) always stared at my attempt to teach letters as if I was pointing to peanut butter and calling it cheese: What's up with mom?
I'll second Elena. The first 5 years are supposed to be the hardest, nicknamed the tunnel of parenthood. http://onemoresoul.com/news-commentary/the-tunnel-of-parenthood.html
ReplyDeletePersonally, I'm AMAZED at how well I'm handling the new baby now that I have 3 kids! It is so easy IO don't have to think most of the time, and I am actually enjoying it more too. Amazing.
From one of the responses: "I thrive when I live my vocation. I thrive when I am the best version of myself, so to speak."
Exactly... and that includes enjoying things I'm passionate about, soemtimes with goals, sometimes without.