Newness

"So, what's new?"

The dreaded question, the one my single friends ask me while chatting on the phone, after they've regaled me with stories of their recent travels, interesting happenings at work, dates they've been on, and general adventures that they're lives seem to take them on regularly.

My mind races from my non-efforts to potty train my two year old (despite him asking me to! Sigh...), to the tomato seedlings that are growing in my sewing room, to Patrick's latest stresses with work, to my heartburn.

Hmm... there are in fact 'new' things, but how exactly do I frame them to sound exciting?

This is, or at least was, my hangup. Even though I know in my heart of hearts that being a stay-at-home mother is gift to my family, and precisely what I always wanted when the time came for me to be married with children, I am too keenly aware how the rest of the world views it.

Like I'm not 'using' my degree, I'm not 'contributing' to the household, I'm 'stuck' home, the desperate housewife. And so on and so on.

Sure, plenty of people say wonderful things when I tell them I am staying home to raise my kids ("It's the hardest job there is, but it's so worth it!") but I can't help but wince now and then when I state this. I want to have that Look. You know, the Mom who has it all together. Pretty hair and makeup, nice clothes, not simply wallowing in self-pity and disinterestedness because she is Just. So. Tired.

I also want that Vibe. As in, "Sure I'm a mother, but look at the all the great books I read! Look how culturally savvy I am! I don't just listen to Raffi and bake bread all day; I'm a chic Mama of the New Evangelization!"

Alas I am not very successful at either.

Yet there is no need to judge my self-worth by other people's standards, particularly those who don't give stay-at-home moms credit for how hard they work and what an investment they're making in their children's well-being. But when it comes to my friends, those who fully support women staying home to raise their kids, and likely will do so when they have kids, why is it that I somehow have felt slightly self-conscious about my life?

I was telling this to my mom a few months ago, particularly my dread towards the "what's new?" question and she was astounded. Having stayed home with the three of us, plus having brought in to our home dozens of children at different times to give really quality childcare to, she knows a thing or two about raising children.

"With a child as young as Noah, every day is something new!"

She went on to remind me that he is constantly growing, changing, and developing and it's all really a source of wonder. Of course, I know that, but I had forgotten it.

It really IS fascinating watching him grow! I love so much about him, but particularly his budding imagination.

When he takes a foam block, sings an adorable version of "Happy Birthday to Noah" and then hands it to me saying "Mommy, cake!', knowing full well I'll happily 'eat' his 'cake', I smile and think, "No one taught you this! You're just learning it by living!"

When he lifts up my shirt and places toys on my belly for his little brother or sister, I am made aware of his little spark of empathy and love for a person he can't even see. What a wonderful big brother he will be!

When he finds a penny, then takes it into his Little Tykes car and says "Store!" I laugh, because his favourite outing is the grocery store (minus visiting his family). I especially laugh when I ask him, "What will you buy there!" and he says "Bock-bock! Milk!", his two favourite foods ("bock-bock" being chicken).

Soon (as in, VERY soon!) he will change in a whole new beautiful way when we introduce him to his little brother or sister. His routine will be thrown off, our days will be drastically different, and then, before I know it. . . we'll have a new normal. I'll be back to doing the same things at predictable times, the same songs at bedtime and naptime, the same 'monotony' where the days are so much alike. But these days to come, much like these days right now, will be full of lots of newness as I watch my children grow and I grow myself in my vocation.

After all, Christ did say, "Behold, I make all things new."