A letter to my sons


My dear sons,

I don't know how many times I was asked when I was expecting both of you, especially you, little Isaiah, if I was hoping for a girl. I want you to know the answer was no. Would I have been happy to have a daughter? Absolutely. Do I hope that God blesses us with one someday. Yes.

Along along, though, when I carried you in my womb, I knew both of you were boys. And I was so, so happy about that. I never was 'trying' for a girl with either of you, and in fact, I can't think of anything nicer that you two can grow up together as brothers.

Do you know I always imagined myself having four or five children, all boys? People will say lots of cliches about this:

Oh, two boys. Won't you be busy!
Just wait until they're teenagers!

and so on.

Truth be told, though, I am so looking forward to the unique wildness of raising two boys (and more, if God blesses us again) relatively close in age. I love the idea of having a home that is filled with joyful noise, and I have a feeling you two will provide! I love the idea of watching you both play outside, Knights and Dragons or Cops and Robbers, rolling trucks and diggers around in the mud, and getting a bit dirty in the name of fun (also, don't forget, if God blesses our family with a little sister for you two, let her in on these games too!).

Am I buying into gender stereotypes by imagining you two playing like this? Perhaps. But Noah, you've already demonstrated to me that really is something innately male about you. I never taught you to like certain toys, and even provided you with 'gender neutral' toys, yet you gravitate to your train set, your Tonka trucks. (Oh yes, you do love your baby doll. And that shows me so much of what a man you can be!) I was amazed when your first compound noun was 'oil truck'. Your father and I never taught you that. There is something uniquely Male about you, and I mystified by it.

So Isaiah, perhaps I'm projecting to assume you'll be like your big brother. In reality you may have very different interests. But I am so looking forward to seeing you two interact, to play together, and yes, to squabble.

I want you both to know that simply because I realize you are Boys and have something innately Boy-ish about you, that I don't want or expect you to buy into antiquated ideas of what it means to be male. You will help with the housework. You will be allowed to cry when you are upset without being told to buck up. I am delighted to play tea party with you (in fact, Noah, these are my favourite moments of the week already). You won't take me for granted just because I am your mother.

Watch your father. He'll show you how to be a true man.

I feel honoured to be the first woman in your life that you'll really get to know. I also feel humbled by this. I know because I am your mother, and I am the first woman to love you both deeply, that I have a responsibility to show you what it means to be a woman. If I can demonstrate the grace and beauty of dignity of femininity, then perhaps, someday, you will have a better understanding of how to honour a woman.

I know, I know, there will come a day when holding my hand in public will give you hives, when you'll be so busy playing with your friends that you'll be oblivious to me. My heart will ache a little. But I hope and pray that in our fleeting time when you will both be my Little Boys that I will give you all the love and nurturance your need, with God's love covering a multitude of sins, of course. That way, you'll feel the assurance that should you want to come back to my side for a little Mommy hug, a little piece of advice, or just my knowing presence and a hot cup of tea, you'll know I'll be there.

Isaiah, I keep thinking about the one image that has been stuck in my mind since you were 20 weeks gestation. I saw your little face on the ultrasound screen and was pretty much convinced that you were indeed a Boy. You looked just like your big brother! Quickly, hot tears sprung to my eyes as I had a clear-as-a-bell picture in my mind of you and your big brother dressed in dashing tuxedos. You were hugging each other and saying I love you. It was at one of your weddings.



I love you both so much. You are my joys. Thank you for the amazing gift each of you are to me. I am so in awe of the unfolding gift you are to one another.

Love,
Mommy

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