Keep calm and carry on



Drinking copious amounts of Red Raspberry/Alfalfa/Nettle tea.
It's no Earl Grey, to say the least


It's almost 2am on Sunday, the day before my due date. I have spent the past week really riding a wave of emotions as I prepare myself for our baby to be born.

Last Saturday, Patrick and I went about assembling the kids' room. It looks great! Pictures to come. Meanwhile I was having intense enough sensations that had me crawling on the floor and rocking back and forth on my hands and knees while Patrick would ask, "Should I be timing this?" Noah, meanwhile, would run up to me and say "Mommy!" with a note of fear in his voice, so I would smile and tell him "Our baby is coming soon!"

Then the rest of the day went ahead completely normally. No more 'labour' at all. In a sense, I was happy to still be home come Mother's Day, so I could enjoy the company of my sweet two year old (who woke me up after a restful nap by sitting on my bed and saying "Happy Mah-er Day!" and handing me a card that he made, with some paternal guidance, naturally.)

Then Monday, like I mentioned in a recent post, I thought might be the day. I had pretty strong contractions all through dinner, and the people with whom we were dining, whom I had never met before, were studying me excitedly as I apparently looked uncomfortable. It was like a little play, and they ate it up. I was a little self-conscious but certainly happy thinking I might be having the baby really soon.

Yet Tuesday went by, Wednesday, then Thursday. I went to see my doctor, and not only do I show no signs of going into labour anytime soon, when he was feeling the baby's position said, "Oh that baby is nice and low. But wait, I don't think that's the head."

I came home and cried to my husband. A breech baby. In the eleventh hour. An inevitable scheduled cesarean. Our hopes dashed.

I tried to make the best of it.

The following day, we went in for an ultrasound. I had made peace with the idea. I mean, there was no way I could be blamed for having the baby turn! And maybe we could schedule it right away, so my sister would meet the baby when she was in town.

Yet imagine my relief when the technician, only seconds after touching the wand to my belly, said "Yep, Baby is head down." She showed us more of Baby Appleseed and he or she looked perfectly healthy and happy.

I wanted to dance my way out of the hospital!

Now I felt really ready. The little confirmation that our baby was doing well was all I needed to get rather anxious to deliver this little one. And that's where I've been since.

I have been basically obsessed with having the baby ASAP ever since the ultrasound. Knowing that my sister will be here on Wednesday has me antsy to go into labour right away so she can meet her niece or nephew. But I haven't had any real sensations at ALL like I had had the previous week. I am trying not to let this worry me, but after being told by the doctor the disappointing news that there were no indications that anything would happen soon, I keep fretting.

Meanwhile, I have reached my wits end towards all the comments. Oh you know, the cliche comments:

"No baby yet?!"
Oh, well actually, yes, I had the baby yesterday. I just left him at home. THIS is a basketball I'm hiding.

"Are you sure it's not twins?"
No, but every ultrasound technician who's seen me is.

"Wow, that baby is sitting high."
(I don't know why this upsets me, but every time someone says it, I get slightly panicked that Baby Appleseed has NOT dropped, and NOW what? Yet my doctor just commented on Thursday that Baby was sitting quite low, as did my chiropractor. So maybe my belly looks high because, um, there's a lot of it?)

And I actually got angry with my own saintly 85 year old grandmother for her recent comment, "Why don't you just give in and have a c-section?" She said this when I came over to her house after my good-news ultrasound, so my ego got a bit deflated when she didn't congratulate me. Nevermind the fact that she's losing her memory, and she certainly can't be held accountable for what she says! (Plus, she had at least one, but I think several, of her children under Twilight Sleep so I don't think she has warm and cozy feelings about birth.)

I am embarrassed that I raised my voice and said "Because I don't want to!"

Yes, I have become poor company now. Maybe even miserable.

I have to snap out of it. Besides my sudden intense irritability and weepiness potentially driving Patrick bonkers (although, he has remained amazingly patient thusfar!), it certainly isn't hospitable to my little womb dweller. Plus if I don't get a grip on it, I may snap at someone else I love, or at least, an unsuspecting stranger.

And really, the reason I am so emotional is because I am having a baby very soon and I'm worrying about the particulars. When I take back an focus on the general, I realize how awesome, in the true sense, this is. Once again, thumbs up for Patrick, who, when I said "I might be pregnant for another two weeks!" he said, "But in only two weeks, we will have our baby!"

So there is a whole lot out of my control right now. But I am being given a chance to trust, to surrender, and enjoy the mystery of new life, however, whenever, he or she emerges.

Before I sign out (and attempt to get some more sleep!), I'll leave you with a quotation from St. Jane Frances de Chantal that I came across while praying when I still thought the baby was breech:

Oh Jesus, I surrender to you all my will. Let me be your lute. Touch any string you please. Always and forever let me make music in perfect harmony with your own. Lord, with no ifs, ands, or buts, let your will be done in this family... and especially let your will be done with me.

Comments

  1. lauraMay 15, 2011 at 8:10 AM

    Oh Jenna I'm so excited for you! It is frustrating to have NO control over when your body is going to go into labour. But try and relax and go with the flow. There really is no way of knowing (even your doctors are just guessing). With Benjamin they told me I was 5cm three days before my due date and I would go any time, but I went a week overdue and they induced me. With Nate, I went into the early labour assessment the day before my due date, as I had been feeling "odd" all day. They said I was 2cm and I'd most likely be feeling this way for a few days. That was at 2:00. By 6 we were back in there and by 8 he was born. Patrick is right at least you know one thing for sure, baby will be here SOON! We're keeping you in our prayers. Can't wait to hear the news :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. ElenaMay 15, 2011 at 9:37 PM

    Oh, jenna, I feel your pain and have been praying for you so much. i remember isaac's late arrival and how i just couldn't handle it anymore after the official due date passed. he was six days over and I went into labour naturally and was induced!! And, my doctor told me that, after the first baby, successive babies don't drop until labour - at least mine don't. I am so excited for this birth - my mom is here and she is checking your blog on her computer - too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  3. sorchaMay 16, 2011 at 11:30 AM

    jenna - we are all saying loads of extra prayers for you! When I saw my doctor right before my due date she laughed and told me there was no way I'd be having the baby anytime soon, and that I could expect it to be close to the end of 42 weeks, and possibly need to be induced, because she saw absolutely no signs that he was coming. When I went into labour naturally the day after Eóin's due date she was shocked...little Appleseed will come at exactly the right time, regardless of whether the doctor thinks they got warning or not :P
    Mr Eóin has a wicked cold at the moment, he seems to be almost over it though, and as soon as he is we will be making a pilgrimage with treats to East Chezzetcook, unless of course you are already at the Grace having Appleseed :) we love you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. SarahMay 16, 2011 at 9:18 PM

    I had an appointment on Amata's due date; I don't think I had any signs. The doctor offered to strip my membranes and I said "No!" It was Jordan's first day at his new job. Amata was born on Jordan's first day off, 4 days later. A lot can happen in a week (or two, but most likely one!)
    You are ready physically, emotionally, spiritually. Now it's up to Baby Appleseed to let your body know when he or she is ready. I don't know what it's like to wait having had a c-section before, but it makes complete sense that you're anxious for labour to start naturally. The odds are very, very good you'll go into labour this week. (Very few babies are born on their actual due date, it's kind of a median of the period of time the baby will normally be born.)
    God bless!
    We love you all!

    ReplyDelete
  5. ErinMay 16, 2011 at 11:56 PM

    Oh Jenna, you are on my heart and in our prayers right now! Baby is coming...rest, drink all the tea you want, take lavender baths, put your feet up and walk. Baby will come soon! Lots of love and hugs!

    ReplyDelete

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