"It only gets better" : A Dinner to Remember, Part II
May of this past year was spent traveling around Ontario and visiting friends and family who live there. Patrick and Noah and I were especially blessed to return to that quirky little town that we love and see so many people we had befriended before we were married.
While we there, the clouds of Postpartum Depression were only beginning to lift from my shoulders -- my whole body, really. Everything besides baby cuddles was physically exhausting to me for that entire year.
Given all that, you can imagine my horror when several, and I do mean multiple families told me to 'enjoy having one baby, because it only gets harder from here on in.' Now since becoming visibly pregnant with my second, I've had oodles of odd comments like that from strangers, but I can brush it off because I am not in the thick of thinking child-rearing is the most terrifying thing I have ever done, and because they're strangers and probably think all sorts of things so different from me about child spacing and numbers of kids a family "should" have (like the woman who told me "1 kid is 1, but 2 is 10." Really?! Try telling that to a woman who has 10 kids!).
But when devoutly Catholic people that I really respect told me how much harder it was bound to get, I think a part of me crumbled.
I was oh-so blessed to repeat these comments to my wise, easy-going and tell-it-like-it-is friend Colin who quickly assured me that such an idea was so far from the truth. I hoped and prayed that he was right.
A lot of time has passed since then, both chronologically and kairologically (which doesn't appear to be a real word, but it should be) and I now wholeheartedly agree with Colin. I have had more time to observe real families and to ask more probing questions on how things actually work with raising kids. As well I have been able to realize that many of my ideals about parenting were unreasonable, and even more freeing, many, many of my fears were unfounded.
So when I joined some friends for dinner last month I was so delighted to hear similar things come from E.'s mouth. She is a stay-at-home mom with five children, and I believe the oldest -- twins -- aren't yet 8. So yes, she is busy. She also manages to go running several days a week, make time for prayer, social occasions, blogging and just be with her husband. Sounds like the picture of balance, right? And to top it off, she is so refreshingly normal. I have met my fair share of families with many children who play the 'piety Olympics' (likely not consciously) but E. just has a lovely sense of humor and joy about life, and definitely doesn't take herself too seriously.
Enjoying this dinner with her (and her sister, the religious Sister, whom you can read about in the previous post) was like an affirmation for my own vocation from two separate directions. Both of these sisters are obviously prayerful people. Both of them are also very joyful people. They laugh naturally. They enjoy the company of actual people. How refreshingly real.
I especially cherished the very last minutes in this visit. I was saying goodbye to E. and her mother Julie in my classic Jenna way -- a goodbye that takes about 20 minutes to accomplish. Patrick had already changed Noah's diaper, put him in his pajamas, zipped him into his winter coat, got him into his carseat and had driven the car from where we had parked a half a block away up to the front door and was waiting with perhaps diminishing patience. Meanwhile I was still chatting. Ahem. Make that "saying goodbye."
E. and Julie asked me if Noah would fall asleep on the drive home. When I told them he always does, and we are able to take him straight to his crib without him even stirring, they both assured me that that it only gets better; kids who sleep well as toddlers continue on in the same way in general in their older years. I felt so relieved as I had previously wondered how we would manage getting two kids to bed when Baby Appleseed is born (yes, yes, I know, it's only two kids, and many of my readers have at least that, and some many more, but this is still unchartered territory for me).
But what my heart heard most loudly from their comment was "it only gets better." Julie has three grown children, E. has five who are all still relatively young. They both have lots of experience, then, on parenting. So having them tell me this was such a breath of fresh air!
To make me feel even more buoyed about my life as a mother, both of them so sweetly affirmed my husband. They pointed out how helpful and hands-on he is with Noah, and what a gift that will be when I am busy with the baby. I can't take for granted, although I confess I too often do, that Patrick is exceptionally warm, helpful and glad to be a father. Some men to various degrees think of the child-rearing business as 'woman's work.' Not Patrick. Not one bit.
I was especially touched when E. told me Patrick reminded her of her own husband. While I don't know him as well as E., I have always been so impressed with him. He strikes me as such a kind, generous husband and father. Having E. liken my own husband to hers, then, meant so much to me.
I realize that having two children, and more, God-willing, will have its own unique set of challenges. Yet I feel so much more confident hearing two wise mothers (and one wise father) assure me "it only gets better."
While we there, the clouds of Postpartum Depression were only beginning to lift from my shoulders -- my whole body, really. Everything besides baby cuddles was physically exhausting to me for that entire year.
Given all that, you can imagine my horror when several, and I do mean multiple families told me to 'enjoy having one baby, because it only gets harder from here on in.' Now since becoming visibly pregnant with my second, I've had oodles of odd comments like that from strangers, but I can brush it off because I am not in the thick of thinking child-rearing is the most terrifying thing I have ever done, and because they're strangers and probably think all sorts of things so different from me about child spacing and numbers of kids a family "should" have (like the woman who told me "1 kid is 1, but 2 is 10." Really?! Try telling that to a woman who has 10 kids!).
But when devoutly Catholic people that I really respect told me how much harder it was bound to get, I think a part of me crumbled.
I was oh-so blessed to repeat these comments to my wise, easy-going and tell-it-like-it-is friend Colin who quickly assured me that such an idea was so far from the truth. I hoped and prayed that he was right.
A lot of time has passed since then, both chronologically and kairologically (which doesn't appear to be a real word, but it should be) and I now wholeheartedly agree with Colin. I have had more time to observe real families and to ask more probing questions on how things actually work with raising kids. As well I have been able to realize that many of my ideals about parenting were unreasonable, and even more freeing, many, many of my fears were unfounded.
So when I joined some friends for dinner last month I was so delighted to hear similar things come from E.'s mouth. She is a stay-at-home mom with five children, and I believe the oldest -- twins -- aren't yet 8. So yes, she is busy. She also manages to go running several days a week, make time for prayer, social occasions, blogging and just be with her husband. Sounds like the picture of balance, right? And to top it off, she is so refreshingly normal. I have met my fair share of families with many children who play the 'piety Olympics' (likely not consciously) but E. just has a lovely sense of humor and joy about life, and definitely doesn't take herself too seriously.
Enjoying this dinner with her (and her sister, the religious Sister, whom you can read about in the previous post) was like an affirmation for my own vocation from two separate directions. Both of these sisters are obviously prayerful people. Both of them are also very joyful people. They laugh naturally. They enjoy the company of actual people. How refreshingly real.
I especially cherished the very last minutes in this visit. I was saying goodbye to E. and her mother Julie in my classic Jenna way -- a goodbye that takes about 20 minutes to accomplish. Patrick had already changed Noah's diaper, put him in his pajamas, zipped him into his winter coat, got him into his carseat and had driven the car from where we had parked a half a block away up to the front door and was waiting with perhaps diminishing patience. Meanwhile I was still chatting. Ahem. Make that "saying goodbye."
E. and Julie asked me if Noah would fall asleep on the drive home. When I told them he always does, and we are able to take him straight to his crib without him even stirring, they both assured me that that it only gets better; kids who sleep well as toddlers continue on in the same way in general in their older years. I felt so relieved as I had previously wondered how we would manage getting two kids to bed when Baby Appleseed is born (yes, yes, I know, it's only two kids, and many of my readers have at least that, and some many more, but this is still unchartered territory for me).
But what my heart heard most loudly from their comment was "it only gets better." Julie has three grown children, E. has five who are all still relatively young. They both have lots of experience, then, on parenting. So having them tell me this was such a breath of fresh air!
To make me feel even more buoyed about my life as a mother, both of them so sweetly affirmed my husband. They pointed out how helpful and hands-on he is with Noah, and what a gift that will be when I am busy with the baby. I can't take for granted, although I confess I too often do, that Patrick is exceptionally warm, helpful and glad to be a father. Some men to various degrees think of the child-rearing business as 'woman's work.' Not Patrick. Not one bit.
I was especially touched when E. told me Patrick reminded her of her own husband. While I don't know him as well as E., I have always been so impressed with him. He strikes me as such a kind, generous husband and father. Having E. liken my own husband to hers, then, meant so much to me.
I realize that having two children, and more, God-willing, will have its own unique set of challenges. Yet I feel so much more confident hearing two wise mothers (and one wise father) assure me "it only gets better."
Life gets busier, but better with children! <3
ReplyDeleteIt gets better because children are a gift and as we slowly unwrap these treasures we find our lives more blessed by their presence.
ReplyDeleteJust wait until you experience the beauty of sibling love outside the womb...then you will be affirmed with every ounce of your being that all the "work" of motherhood is totally worth it!
You're doing great Jenna and Patrick!
Wow, Jenna. Thank you so much. We had a heck of a Christmas (lots of unrest and fighting), so such an affirmation is so welcome. And, thank God for the recent lack of peace around here because I can be suitably humbled by such comments as yours. Thank you especially for the mention about joy; joy has been the theme of the recent year for me. Rather, the retrieval of joy. Isaac topped off this retrieval and, thus, received his name: Isaac, the laughter or joy of God. I love you very much and was so happy to share supper with your family that night. i looked around the table and was just so thankful to see so many of us who had genuinely found the Lord, said Yes and were now living the exciting lives that He had planned for us all along. I often think how boring and humdrum my life would be were I in charge (boring and probably locked up in an institution). You are doing wonderfully with your family and all will be well even if things fall apart once in a while. They certainly do around here. I regularly break down and have finally realised that the breakdowns are God's way of reminding me that I am not doing this on my own steam. Each time I get too high and mighty, I usually fall pretty badly. After 8 years of motherhood the greatest thing that I have been taught so far is that all things are passing (sometimes too quickly and sometimes not). Love, Elena
ReplyDeletep.s. Thanks for the words about Dave. I have been taking him for granted far too much lately.
wonderful post, Jenna, you are so kind in your words. And the more kids you have, the more lively, and therefore, happier your family will be. That is not saying you have to have a zillion, but just assuring you that kids do well in litters.
ReplyDeleteEveryone, I am so touched by your words....
ReplyDeleteEven though I detest the phrase "online community", I feel it these days with blogging, and reading all your blogs too.
Peace and prayers, Ladies! And Colin :)
-Jenna
PS. Julie, I laughed out loud about your 'litter' comment! I agree!
My friend from the Academy and I both 'decided' as 19 year olds that we'd like to each have a hockey team's worth of kids. I actually don't know the exact number that comprise a hockey team, but there are 6 on the ice, and they need subs, so... 8 or 9 or even more! :D
ha! the hockey team comment reminds me of people's comments regarding basketball teams when they see our kids. unfortunately, i still have forgotten to ask dave exactly how many kids that entails.
ReplyDeleteand, i echo my mother's words, your words are exceptionally kind and i thank you again. also, i should add that i greatly admire the way that you and patrick are living your lives - inspirational and beautiful.