Now I'LL weigh in on this

I have been mentally flagellating myself for say, about 5 and half months, that I am the biggest slob known to mankind, and ergo, a terrible wife.

I wasn't a very clean person growing up! Far from it, actually. I was a mess as a single adult, and had very little time into my marriage before I became pregnant and puking, so I didn't improve much, needless to say.

Why would I have thought I would be better at it all AFTER the baby was born... when there was MORE laundry to do? And MORE stuff accumulated? And LESS time to manage these things?!

Then I read my sister's blog post. I laughed. I smiled. I delighted in the fact that she is a very good mother, and is setting her priorities straight: kids first, tidying later. I also read another blog post that was absolutely EXCELLENT on cutting women some slack about their housework, especially those with young children. The author, and one of her commentators, also showed very cleverly why this post isn't doing women any service.

After having read the Conversion Diary post a few days ago, I literally threw myself down on the bed, ready to weep because I felt like a failure. Something inside me goaded me to pick up the Bible and read Proverbs 31 (you know? The passage about the nearly infamously perfect wife?) to continue the self-loathing and guilt. I am pretty certain now that "goading" was actually the Holy Spirit.

I read it. And re-read it. And then read it again because I was in disbelief. To my amazement, this Good Wife is NEVER praised for being clean and tidy! Not once! Oh yes, she is praised over and over for feeding her family well (verse 14, 15), she is praised for her diligence (verse 17, 18, 27) her economy (verse 16), her generosity to the poor (verse 20), her creativeness (verse 22, 24), even (gasp!) for being well-dressed (verse 22). But not once for being clean!

I felt my soul sigh as this dawned on me.

It's also particularly interesting that the discourse begins on how the heart of her husband trusts in her, then ends with how her children and husband rise up to praise her. In my very wonky wife-ly exegesis, it seems to me that the Good Wife is framed around how content the other members of the household are. Thus, in terms of tidiness, it's most important to set them first, and listen to what best serves them.

Now I would like to state, though, how the Good Wife is no slacker. This isn't an excuse to procrastinate. She does not eat the bread of idleness. This verse is particularly important to me, because I can find myself getting sucked into the computer, looking at flyers even, and neglecting my duties in the home -- and not just housework, but spending time with Patrick! Women are called to be workers in the home (Titus 2:5). I think we just need to remind ourselves what the most important work is: serving our family and paying attention to them before we do anything else (this blog entry has something interesting to say about this, too).

My husband's uncle is a man who likes tidiness. When his business was failing, his wife (who has since passed) could do nothing to improve his work day for him, but COULD make him happy when he came home from work, by ensuring the house was clean. She wasn't a fan of tidying, but considered it an act of charity to keep things orderly for him. I think this is so beautiful.

MY husband certainly appreciates order but has different standards. He has said so many times to me, I think my head will spin, that he much prefers to know Noah is well-looked after (that we've read books together, played games together, that he isn't left bored, or worse, yet, crying) than to have a clean home. Patrick delights when I tell him about how his son is mystified by leaves or the sight of other children during our daily walk, and never, EVER looks annoyed that this hour-long sojourn took me away from doing the dishes.

One of the best pieces of homemaking advice I received right after I was married was from my aunt, a very devout and wise Christian, "Your home should be a place of peace. If the mess is disturbing your peace, you have two choices: you can clean up the mess, or be at peace that it's there." I choose the latter, obviously. I'm choosing to be at peace because I need to listen to the other members of my household, who would much rather that I be with them than off somewhere cleaning.

Oh, and I would like to add one last thing about the Good Wife, particularly for my sister, fellow mother of a nursing baby:

"She gets up while it is still dark and provides food for her family." (Proverbs 31:15). Repeat this to yourself during nighttime feedings! :)

Why worry about housework when there are much cuter, funnier things to notice?
Like Noah, here, with "mad cow disease".